73 Questions With Tiffany Haddish | Vogue

- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

- [Interviewer] Thank

you for squeezing into

your busy schedule.

You ready to answer 73 questions?

- Yes, she ready. Let's do .

- [Interviewer] All

right, let's kick it off.

What have you been up to today?

- been doing press all day.

- [Interviewer] Are you a

morning person or a night person?

- person.

- [Interviewer] Whats'

making you laugh lately?

- My friends.

- [Interviewer] Now

speaking of friends,

how would they describe

you in three words?

- I don't know. How would

you all me?

- Genuine.

- Wise.

- Learned.

- Mm-hmm-.

- [Interviewer] And now back you,

how would you describe

yourself in three words?

- I would say fun,

honest,

a hot mess from time to time.

- [Interviewer] What's your

favorite vacation destination?

- Bermuda.

[Interviewer] Last country you visited?

- Eritrea.

- [Interviewer] A country

you wish to visit?

- would like to go back to Eritrea.

- [Interviewer] Whats'

the most exciting thing

in your life now?

- My career.

- [Interviewer] Who would you

consider to be your mentor?

- The .

- [Interviewer] Whats'

the best piece of advice

youve ever been given?

- Never trust nobody.

- [Interviewer] Now if

your life were a hashtag,

what would it be?

- She ready.

know what?

- [Interviewer] What?

I'm ready to show you all around here.

Let me show this place.

[Interviewer] Amazing. Okay.

- It's really cool.

It's Carolines'.

- [Interviewer] Where

did you up, Tiffany?

- South Central LA.

- [Interviewer] Whats'

the best thing about LA?

- The .

- [Interviewer] When was

the last time you cried?

- Yesterday.

- [Interviewer] What words do live by?

- She ready!

Hey, come on in.

This is the secret way into the .

- [Interviewer] Okay,

now when was the last time

you were genuinely starstruck?

- When I Oprah Winfrey.

- [Interviewer] And how

did it feel meeting Oprah?

- Like magic.

Hey, you what?

There's a show going on here tonight.

You guys want to get on the guest list?

- [Interviewer] Yeah,

that would be amazing.

- Okay, can you take care of them?

Put them the list?

- [Hostess] Absolutely, for you girl.

- Thank you.

- [Interviewer] And I hear

writing the intro

for Richard Pryor's diary?

- That's true.

- [Interviewer] Now, what was it

hanging out with Barbara Streisand?

- Amazing, like magic.

- [Interviewer] What would be your dream

lineup of comedians -*%-

living or not living -*%-

to do a comedy tour with?

- George , Lenny Bruce, Tony Rock,

Marlo Williams, and Kevin Hart.

- [Interviewer] That's a good list.

Now, you have any warm

up rituals or routines?

- Yes. I get in the mirror, and go,

" daddy, baby daddy, baby daddy,

"baby daddy, baby daddy, baby daddy,

child support, child support,

child support, support,

child..."

Basically I say all the

things that I don't want

really fast to trick universe

into giving me what I do want.

Hey Brian, can you turn

the lights on for ?

- You got it. Let there be light.

- Thank you. Isn't it beautiful in here?

[Interviewer] It's lovely!

Tiffany, is there ever a time

you consider yourself shy?

- Oh, I am when Im'

around really hot guys.

- [Interviewer] How would you

describe your personal style?

- Cute fun.

- [Interviewer] All right.

And moving into fashion

you wore an amazing dress

on this Oscars red carpet.

What was the significance behind it?

- My father said one day

I be able to go to a

really amazing event like that,

and when I do, I need

to his people.

So he's from Eritrea,

so I wore a princess dress from Eritrea.

- [Interviewer]

looked beautiful in it.

- Thank you.

- [Interviewer] Whats'

the most treasured item

in your ?

- My unicorn onesie.

- [Interviewer] And when's the next time

youre going to be wearing ?

- Soon as I get home.

- [Interviewer] Heels or flats?

- Flats.

- [Interviewer] is your best quality?

- My honesty.

- [Interviewer] What

is your worst quality?

- My .

- [Interviewer] Is it

true you speak Japanese?

- [Interviewer] Impressive.

Can you teach me something Japanese?

- Yes.

- [Interviewer] What does that mean?

- Yes.

- [Interviewer] Now I how to say yes.

- Mm-hmm-.

- [Interviewer] Now, whats'

the best seat in the house

Tiffany Haddish is

headlining a comedy show?

- Follow me.

Ill show you exactly

where you should .

- [Interviewer] Do you like

interacting with your audience?

- Yes.

- [Interviewer] How many

shows you done?

- I don't remember exactly.

- [Interviewer] What's the

one thing that bothers you

most?

- Liars.

- [Interviewer] If you had a talk show,

what would it be called?

- She Ready for Success.

Let's Talk!

- [Interviewer] Whos'

your celebrity crush?

- Whoever like , and

can make more money.

- [Interviewer] Who's your

dream love scene partner?

- Michael B. Jordan.

- [Interviewer] Michael

B... I love that guy!

- Have a seat.

This is right where you sit.

This is the best place,

the best seat in the house.

- [Interviewer] It's a good !

Now, what's a role that

you would love to take on?

- Wonder Woman's sister.

- [ ] Okay, this

one's out of left field,

but your Instagram shows

that you love gardening.

What you growing these days?

- Well, I have vegetables in there,

but I haven't been home for a

, so it's probably weeds.

- [Interviewer] For anyone

wanting to get into gardening,

what's the best and

useful tip you can offer them?

- Oh when you have leftover

eggshells from making, like,

scrambled , take those

eggshells, break them up,

and put them in your dirt with the garden.

And it feed everything.

- [Interviewer] Interesting.

And what would you feed your friends

if they came over dinner?

- Fried chicken, kale

salad, and joyful greens.

- [Interviewer] Who would

your three dream dinner

attendees be?

- Oprah Winfrey, Michelle

Obama, and Jesus.

- [Interviewer] And Taylor

Swift made you once.

Is this true?

- That is true.

- [Interviewer] What did she make?

- made some brisket, some -*%-

it was beef, chicken which was delicious.

Some potato salad. Delicious.

some cornbread.

It was so good, and I

brought the joyful greens.

- [Interviewer] Now, what's it

being a famous comedian?

- Interesting.

- [Interviewer] You

quit comedy for a moment

in late teens.

Why?

- Because I couldn't afford

to get to the comedy club.

I didn't enough

money for transportation.

- [Interviewer] In your book,

you said jokes and laughter

helped you survive.

How so?

- They helped me to deal

with the hard stuff,

and find the funny in

, and laugh about it.

- [Interviewer] What's one

thing people don't know

about your career?

- it took me over

20 years to get here.

- [Interviewer] That's a long path.

What does family mean to you?

- Everything.

- [Interviewer] Now let's do

some word associations, okay?

First , Arsenio Hall.

- Best dude ever.

Really kind guy.

Gave me a chance.

- [Interviewer] Mitzvahs?

- Ooh, I love them

because I made some money,

and theyre super fun.

- [ ] Roscoe?

- I miss him terribly.

- [Interviewer] Kevin Hart?

- Big brother.

- [Interviewer] Martens?

- Oh yeah, my first pair

of shoes I ever bought,

and I love them to .

Wore them til the soles fell off of them.

- [Interviewer] Now, I want

you to imagine, mid-set-,

youre on a roll, and

somebody starts heckling.

How do you respond?

- Oh, what like to do.

Let me show you how I deal with hecklers.

I get on, and I them,

I tell them straight up,

"I don't come to your job and do that,"

and then destroy their spirit.

- [Interviewer] What was

your first stand up gig like?

- It was pretty .

It was a show that was with

women that loved other women.

I did really bad, and

still paid me $50

for fifteen minutes, and I said,

"Well that's what I'm going to

do the rest of my life...

because I did horribly,

and they still paid me."

- [Interviewer] Were nervous?

- Oh yeah. I was very nervous.

You want to see what it feels

like to very nervous?

Get on the stage, get up here.

- [Interviewer] Yeah

alright! Let's do it! Okay.

- Come on up here and join me.

And imagine there's hundreds

of people watching you.

- [ ] That's a lot of people.

- And you have tickle their souls.

- [Interviewer] Okay,

so I'm on stage.

The lights are on me.

How do I hype up this crowd?

- Oh , okay so what I like to do is,

I have some music playing

and then I come on ,

and I dance a little bit like, "."*%Hey."

And I go, "She ready,"

and everybody's like,

", ," and then I go,

"Is he ready? Are we ready?"

And theyre like, "Yeah, yeah,"

and like, "Yeah, all right,"

and then I just start telling jokes.

- [Interviewer] Tiffany, when did you

that comedy was going

to be a reality for you?

- The first break I got was

Bill Bellamy's "'"Who's Got Jokes?"

- [Interviewer] What was

the main reason you chose

to write book, "*%The

Last Black Unicorn?"

- Because I felt like all

these experiences I have

must be share with the world

so that they can know theyre not alone.

- [Interviewer] What did

you when writing it?

- Every single emotion

you could ever imagine.

- [Interviewer] Whats'

something you love asked?

- All these questions

youve been asking me.

- [Interviewer] Awh, well,

honesty is your best ,

right?

- Yeah, well.

- [Interviewer] If you could

go on your own girls trip,

like the movie,

where would you go?

- South Africa.

- [Interviewer] Is there a

Girl's Trip in the works?

- Yeah, I hope so.

We been talking about it.

- [Interviewer] What's thing

youve always wanted to do on stage?

- Tell jokes in lingerie.

- [Interviewer] Whats'

your Netflix queue?

- Ah, The Unfortunate Series

of Lemony Snicket's Events.

I think that's what it's ?!

I love the songs in there.

And a bunch of cartoons.

- [Interviewer] Good stuff.

[Brian] Hey Tiffany.

Doors open up in five, okay?

- Oh okay.

We got to wrap this because I got to,

got to let everybody in,

and I got to get ready.

- [Interviewer] , well

this is perfect timing

because I have one more question.

How do you normally end your ?

- I normally curse the audience

with all the joy and

happiness they can handle.

- [ ] Well Tiffany,

this has been a pleasure

having this interview with you.

- Thank you. Youre welcome

- [Interviewer] Thank you for - oh!

- Oh damn.

I didn't mean for that

to happen that.

- [Interviewer] It's alright.

- And really I shouldn't have did that.

I was trying drop the

mic, but the club owners,

they don't like it when you drop the mic

because mess they

mic up, and then ...*%..

Okay it's still working.

All right, bye.

I was trying to

be cute for the camera.