The art of conversation (Medium)

Hello. This is 6 Minute English from BBC Learning English. Im Sam.

Neil

And Im Neil.

Recently I met up with an old school friend who I hadnt seen for years. We talked for hours…

Neil

It sounds like you had a good chinwag  � a long and pleasant conversation between friends, which is because in this programme were talking about talking. Well be discussing conservations  � the exchange of ideas, thoughts and that happens when people talk to each other. And as usual well be learning some new vocabulary as well.

Sam

With the rise of Twitter and social media, which encourages us to give our opinion on a subject always listening in return, some think the art of conversation is being lost. But luckily, there are still millions us who love to talk, chat, chinwag and chatter away. In fact, in 2012 a competition in Latvia broke world record for the longest telephone conversation. So, Neil, my question is this: how long did this record-breaking conversation ? Was it:

a) 24 hours and 4 minutes?

b) 54 hours and 4 minutes? or,

c) 84 hours and minutes?

Neil

Hmmm, Ill guess a) 24 hours and 4 minutes, after which they probably fell asleep!

OK, Neil, Ill reveal the correct answer later in the programme. During a long career, DJ and BBC radio , Nihal Arthanayake, has had conversations with hundreds of people. Now hes used these experiences to write a book entitled, ‘' Talk: How to Have Better Conversations’. Here Nihal tells another radio presenter, Michael Rosen, of BBC Radio 4’s, Word Mouth, about the influence of his mother who also loved talking to people in her job as a nurse:

Nihal Arthanayake

Well, it gave me the sense that you are enriched by listening. And this was of course, media which has of course encouraged us to project - to transmit - more than receive. So it meant I guess I was conscious of experiences of others, and wanted to try and understand them. Also, partially, Michael, was a survival instinct because I was a little brown boy in a predominantly white school, a state school the 1980s.

Neil

For Nihal, good conversation involves listening as much as speaking. By listening we find out about the person we are talking to which, in turn, help us understand ourselves. This is why Nihal says are enriched by listening  � we are improved by having something else added.

Sam

As a British Asian growing up in a white community, Nihal also thinks conversation was a way for him to make friends and protection. He says having conversations was a survival instinct - the human instinct to do something in a dangerous that will keep them safe from harm.

Neil

Nihal sees an important difference between ‘listening simply to reply’, ‘listening to understand’. When we ‘listen to reply’, we are thinking about the next thing we want to say than trying to understand the other persons point of view. ‘Listening to understand’, on the other hand, helps build - improve relationships between people who are very different or do not like each other.

Sam

Heres Nihal in conversation with BBC Radio 4’s, Word of Mouth:

Nihal Arthanayake

So conversation can build bridges, and it proven through history that conversation has, and that conversation can be seen as an art form, and that's one the things that I want us to understand  � it's not just tittle tattle, it's not just shouting at other on social media, it's not two politicians talking over each other.

Neil

Good conversation brings people together, tittle-tattle - talk about other people's lives that is usually unkind, disapproving, or untrue.

Sam

And good conversation taking turns, not talking over someone  � trying to silence people by talking more loudly, forcefully, and persistently than .

Neil

Hopefully, Nihals tips can help us all have better conversations, encounter new ideas and make friends. So, , did you do any of these things when you met up with your old school friend?

Sam

I so. We both listened to each other, there was no tittle-tattle but a little bit of gossip. Before we it a couple of hours had passed - but not as much time as those record-breaking telephone conservations I earlier.

Neil

Ah yes, in your question you asked how long the worlds longest telephone conversation lasted. It it was an incredible 24 hours and 4 minutes… was I right?

Sam

Well, Neil, Im afraid that … the wrong answer. In fact, the record-breaking conversation lasted 54 hours and 4 minutes - about the same as programmes of 6 Minute English!

Neil

Wow! OK, lets recap the vocabulary weve learned from this programme on art of good conversations, starting with chinwag  � a long and pleasant conversation between friends.

Sam

When something enriched, its improved by having something else added to it.

Neil

The survival instinct is the basic instinct humans and animals to do something in a dangerous situation that will keep them alive.

Sam

If you bridges, you improve relationships between people who are very different or do not like each other.

Neil

Tittle-tattle talk about other people's lives that is usually unkind, disapproving, or untrue.

Sam

And finally, if you talk someone, you silence or drown them out by talking more loudly than them. Thats the end of our conversation, remember to join us soon for more trending topics and useful vocabulary. Bye for now!

Neil

Goodbye!